(Disclosure: Today is probably not a good day to be writing a blog post…I’m doing a nutritional cleanse right now and it’s my first day of pretty much eating no food other than 16 almonds and a tiny piece of an apple. I’m hungry…and probably a little edgy as a result…LOL! Hmm…maybe this is a great day to write a blog post after all)
Image credit: TheBusyBrain
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Success is personal and yours to define.
Design the ideal life for YOU (and your family).
Define what freedom is to YOU (and your family).
Create financial goals that fit YOU (and yes…your family).
Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in what others are doing and achieving.
Stop.
Ask yourself, “But is that really what I’m focused on and want for myself?”
Many times the answer is no.
Sometimes the answer is yes.
Regardless, understand that there’s nobody competing with you in a race to YOUR ideal life.
So why the heck are you comparing your achievements and your life with someone else’s?
Stop.
Instead….
Focus.
Celebrate others’ successes.
Celebrate your own success.
And get back to work.
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Leave A Reply (27 comments So Far)
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Steph
407 days ago
Amen, Sister!
I have to stop and remind myself of this ALL THE TIME!
It’s good to have people to look up to and who inspire you to do better, but sometimes that leads to feeling like crap about yourself because you feel like you should be farther along than you are.
It’s also kind of funny (or not) because most of the time when I do that, I realize that the people I am comparing myself to live a lifestyle that I have no desire to live.
P.S.
If I only ate a few almonds and a bite of an apple all day, I would rip someone’s head right off.
Shae
407 days ago
Oh yes…absolutely Steph…it can creep up on you soooo fast. What’s interesting though is that its not jealousy…I can be incredibly and genuinely happy for the other person, but this nasty little punk devil in my head will say “Wow…look at that. And you’ve been doing X or Y for HOW long now?”
I check that little sucker right away…. I mentioned in my post one way to check it, which is to ask that question…but like I mentioned in our conversation today, the other thing I do is ask myself am I doing the next right thing and making forward progress? If the answer is yes, I just keep plugging along. If the answer is no, I seek to adjust something but regardless I remember to count my blessings and get excited about what I DO have *right now*
Regarding your P.S…. LOL! Girl. I certainly hope tomorrow is easier and my body adjusts to the whole not eating food thing.
Ogal
407 days ago
I’m glad to know I am not alone! I get daily emails about someones first deal, and it’s a homerun! Then I have my own party about not being good enough or savvy enough or whatever. And I stay stuck for a minute before I dust myself off and try again. I’m grateful for people like you, Steph & Bill who are honest enough to say they go through the same feelings as me. It helps me believe I van do this too!! Thanks!!
Shae
407 days ago
Ogal, you are SO not alone….the key is to do what you just said you so….get unstuck (quickly!) and keep moving forward. When you’re on a path, you might have to adjust the sail, but you don’t want to abandon ship (assuming you’re on a path that makes sense. LOL!)
Bolaji
407 days ago
WHO-PEEESH!
I’m not sure if that’s the sound of my neck almost getting whiplash, after reading this post from Shae Bynes (say WHAT!)…
or if that’s the sound of Shae Bynes cracking that whip, and ordering me back to work!
Too often, in our culture, extreme and rapid success is celebrated at the expense of the more typical success (a long, hard road of introspection, failure, tears, doubts, uncertainties, setbacks, strained relationships, gut-check moments, etc. etc. etc.)
It may sound cliche that Success is the journey, not the destination…
But it’s up to you to choose what you believe success to really be.
Lots of really “successful” people (by financial or authority or power standards) may find that they aren’t as happy as they thought they might be, when they anticipated that high-flying success.
I saw a T-shirt in my freshman year of college, that said: “I dig the skin I’m in.”
Sometimes that can be really hard to do.
But it’s the only skin you’ve got.
If you can’t find a way to dig it now, you won’t dig it later. When you have money, fame, power, and financial freedom.
How do you dig the skin you’re in?
Surround yourself with people that appreciate and love you for you.
Actively write down the things you’ve done well, the small successes you’ve had, and the people you’ve positively impacted (however small).
You’re flyer than you might think.
Just take a moment to acknowledge that.
And write it down.
You’ll find it useful to come back to that list, whenever you feel down, envious, depressed, or weary.
I’m out!
(Great post, Shae “Almond” Bynes)
Shae
407 days ago
Bolaji, how are you going to come over here to my blog and write a comment that’s better than my post? LOL!
I love this line “You’re flyer than you might think.”
Really great stuff….thanks!
Bolaji
406 days ago
LOL @ Shae “Almond” Bynes!
Just being lazy and trying to make up for you being the #1 commenter on my site by a mile… by leaving one long-behind comment.
Now – we’re even. LOL!
You know – you’re one of the people that celebrates my strengths, and helps me to dig the skin I’m in.
One of the things that made my skin crawl in the corporate world, was that H.R. reviews were always focused on my “weaknesses” (they called ‘em areas of improvement, but we all know they meant weaknesses.)
Imagine – a lifetime of chasing your tail, trying to “fix” yourself.
FORGET THAT!
God made us all different.
He gave us ALL weaknesses.
Perfection shouldn’t be the goal.
Living fully should.
No criticism at anyone – I didn’t have the guts to leave the Rat Race myself – I got kicked out! LOL! But I seized upon that opportunity to STAY OUT.
And I’ve never been happier (despite not yet earning anything close to what I was being paid).
Successful move, financially. NO. (not yet.)
Successful move in every other measure that counts? UNDOUBTEDLY.
I had to respectfully inform my parents that their measure of success (middle-class stability, and a prestigious job title at a respectable company) was not my measure of success.
I’m a lot happier after that very awkward convo.
Bolaji.
Shae
406 days ago
This is one of many reasons why I love you
mobilehomegurl
406 days ago
Nice post Shae, right to the point!
In all honesty, I think it’s really hard in our society not to compare ourselves to others. Being in America, I guess it’s the ambition part. Though, in other countries such as Europe – it’s not really like that. Instead of asking, “What do you do?” they ask “Where are you from?” I guess it’s just a difference in culture.
I think as an entrepreneur, it’s really tough as running a business really requires a lot of sacrifice. Personally, it’s been hard on my socially as I can’t attend regular events as some of my other friends (who have regular jobs) due to the business.
I remember one time, I was at a park with the plumber and the park manager in one of the homes till 9pm dealing with plumbing issues. My friends had insisted I attend dinner with them (as they deem me a major workaholic).
So, it was already 9pm and I told them I couldn’t make it as I was still at the house. They insisted I go and told me they’re not eating until I arrive. Well, then I kind of put up a fuss that I had to go back and change my clothes – they said don’t worry about it, just get over there. Reluctantly, I gave in.
When we arrived at the restaurant, they were all talking – I was in a major daze, I was about to fall over from exhaustion. Well, the food came and I was really sleepy at that point. And, guess what? My head almost fell on a plate of spaghetti, seriously! My friend next to me noticed my head falling and caught me just in time…crazy!!
I guess my point is that it’s really hard to relate sometimes to most people as an entrepreneur. Sometimes I look at my friends (who have all mostly gone to grad school and have gone up the corporate ladder) and think how much easier they have it. Some have told me I work too hard and it’s easier just to get a high paying job and not have to put in as many hours as running a business.
I guess, I now know why the Millionaires Next Door prefer their children be professionals with high paying jobs over starting and running their own businesses – it’s a lot of hard work and sacrifice. Sometimes, it just doesen’t stop.
But, I guess we all have different paths in life. And, you’re right – the path folks choose is the one that should be right for them and their family.
Gave me a lot to think about here Shae, thanks for the reminder!
p.s. Oh wow! I can’t believe you only ate a couple of almonds and a piece of apple for the whole day!!
Shae
405 days ago
Hey Rachel, thanks for sharing! I actually just listened to a podcast that my friend Bolaji did with Maren Kate (http://www.whoisbolaji.com/podcast-maren-kate-zirtual) and one of the things she said that really captures my thinking on what you said is that when you’re a “wage slave”, no matter how hard you work, there is a cap on your income yet when you’re an entrepreneur your hard work can yield exponential income growth (IF you so choose!).
I was on the ladder to executive, but made a decision to stop pursuing it and start pursuing my exit. Best decision ever and I’m not looking back.
Yep, it’s hard work, but fulfilling work. I think the ongoing challenge for entrepreneurs is letting go and letting others do some of the work so that you don’t stay in an ongoing burnout mode.
Anyway, we could probably write a book on this topic…LOL! Thanks Rachel!
mobilehomegurl
404 days ago
Sure thing, Shae! Always happy to share. And, thanks for letting me know about the podcast. I’ll check it out!
Yes, it’s definitely hard work running a business. For me, I think what bogs me down is the management side. I’m good on the sales side, I really enjoy looking for opportunities and putting deals together. Though, when it comes down to management – sometimes it’s a constant battle.
I guess one of the hardest aspects is finding and hiring good, honest and reliable people. It feels like a game of musical chairs, it’s always changing. And, trying to tackle the management aspect while at the same time do the sales side – can be challenging for just one person (me!!).
But, I know you’re right – with a business I can control my income and my time. Sometimes I just don’t see the big picture since I’m so wrapped up in the day to day operations.
Usually, it’s when I pick up inventory that I get pretty overwhelmed as that’s when I have to really deal with the management side which usually involves working with contractors and overseeing their work. And making sure things get done, this is the tough part for me!!
It makes it even worse when at the same time a resident or park manager/owner calls me with a resident/park dispute. Just recently, I had to do some dispute resolution on one regarding dogs and trash. Had I not stepped in, the problem and relationship b/w the residents and the park would have spiraled.
Though, I guess I just have to look at the big picture. Once the inventory has been filled, it’s usually back to square one – looking for more opportunities and doing what I like best.
Thanks for reading, Shae. Have a great weekend!!
Shae
404 days ago
I hear you, Rachel! Finding good people for your team is hard but possible….and worth pursuing so that you can focus on the thing that you like best and are best at. Nobody wants to be a slave, even to their own business. Have a great weekend as well!
Sandra
405 days ago
Shae,This post is fantastic, and the following posts from other are very insightful. Each of us has to choose what’s are our inner purpose and desires for our lives. I choose to be happy, I choose to spend quality time with my family. To stop in the middle of the day and sit in my garden and watch the birds bathe themselves in the bird bath. I am not making as much money or income, but I am happy.
Shae
404 days ago
Hi Sandra, thanks so much for your comments. The choice to be joyful (even in spite of undesirable circumstances) is one of the best choices we can make for ourselves. God can (and desires to) turn anything around for our good and His glory.
Have a great weekend!
Arrow Creek Homes
405 days ago
Shae,
If I can write anything like this with 17 almonds in my stomach, then I’ll be 100 lbs. by now =))
As always, thank you for your words of encouragement and exhortations “celebrate other’s successes!” I needed that today…
I realize sincerely being happy for someone doing better than you takes an intentional decision…against human nature! =)
Godbless
-Joe
Shae
404 days ago
Hey Joe! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I’m glad that you heard what you needed to hear today….it always brings a smile to my face when people say that.
P.S. I’m starting to get the hang of this nutritional cleansing thing…and have a new appreciation for almonds. LOL! Have a great weekend!
AnotherSteph
404 days ago
Hi Shae,
You’re right on point, as always.
As you know, I’ve been keeping my intentions to leave Corporate America on the down low, especially with my co-workers. I know 95% of my co-workers would think I’m insane to leave my job, especially in the current economy. My co-workers continue to stay the course since there aren’t a lot of great jobs out there and we are lucky enough to have decent jobs. But, despite the popular opinion, I know I cannot go down this road much longer.
I did tell someone the other day that I would not care if I got laid off. She looked at me like I had 3 heads and thought I was crazy. But, that’s where I’m at right now. I’d totally look at being laid off as the kick in the pants I need to be totally free.
Although one thing I have no problem with is being happy for others’ successes. Even if I do feel envious, I always do feel happy for others and I never feel I want to strangle someone else for doing well. I don’t need to cut people down to feel better about myself.
Steph
PS – Good luck w/ the cleanse. Being crabby goes along with doing a cleanse. LOL!
Shae
403 days ago
Hey Steph! Crabbiness only impacted me for a day, thank God! I can totally understand your thinking right now…I spent at least 6 months wishing that I’d get laid off so I wouldn’t have to be bold enough to leave and could leave with a severance package
I’m so excited about your pending departure….
AnotherSteph
396 days ago
Oh good! So glad the crabbiness was short-lived!
I know you can relate. Most people thing you’re crazy to leave a corporate job, but I think it’s crazy NOT to consider it!
Steph
Tamara
404 days ago
This post (plus the comments) has been a GREAT kick in the pants for me, thank you!
Blessings on your fast
Shae
403 days ago
Awesome – you’re welcome!
Seyi
402 days ago
Great post Shannon! Highly inspiring comments too…being very educative. Thanks
Shae
402 days ago
Glad you enjoyed it, Seyi!
Joey Fontenot
400 days ago
Great Post Shae!
I always have to remind myself that success is measured by the things that you work hard to accomplish, not what others are doing. I think in real estate this is ecspecially crucial because their are always bumps on the ride and how you bounce back from those will show in the long run how succesful you end up becoming
– Can’t wait for more posts!
Joey
Shae
400 days ago
Absolutely, Joey! Thanks for sharing….as my friend Bolaji often likes to say “Fall down seven times, get up 8!”
Howard
398 days ago
Looks like this is what I need to do with my Colorado real estate projects, take a little breather and stop and reflect.
Shae
397 days ago
Reflection is good
Thanks for sharing, Howard!